we only have what we remember

4 Mar

listening to: the album, “barton hollow” by the civil wars

the title of this post is a lyric from a listener song. i was in the middle of my baking dance around the kitchen with one of chris’s spotify playlists playing in the background. while folding my wet and dry ingredients together one lyric stood out clearly in my mind, “we only have what we remember.” i was instantly incredibly grateful to my father who made me keep a journal. it started out as a chore back in second grade – when i lived in this house for the first time. growing up he would remind me after a college visit (yes those also started in second grade), or an eventful day, that i should write about that day in the journal. of course my journals started, from a very early age, to be chronicles of my pursuits to find my voice – which echoed those of various american girl doll characters, rebellious main characters from movies, or the person that i wanted to become.  these journals have served as an easy and humorous trip down memory lane that are honest and most often, embarrassing reminder of who i really am. 

but, whatever is actually written inside of those books (which began by being covered with cartoon character band-aids, transitioned into being covered in band stickers, but now are sophisticated and plain), they do allow me to always have what i remember – which is everything. so i am thankful to my father for giving me the gift of never forgetting a piece of my life. and i treasure it. i always tease my boyfriend that i have a stellar memory. but really i probably do not have that great of a memory, just writing an event down has consistently allowed me to reflect on and better engrain that memory. 

but these journals do not just serve as a way for me to own my whole journey through life, but they also serve as a way for me to live on when i pass from this earth. in my literature class in high school, we would discuss the ways which we could become immortal. we narrowed the options down to becoming famous for a great deed and being printed in a history book – so all children would be taught your great part in history in their school books. secondly, you can become immortal through your blood line and having children. thirdly, you could become a published author. your thoughts and words sitting forever on a book shelf. but my ticket to immortality, i think, is through my words and journals. i hope one day someone can learn from my mistakes and follies, or someone can learn that if i could make it – so can they. 

all my life i’ve been obsessed with what i’ll pass down to the next generation, even 10 year old me wrote in the cover of my first harry potter book “please pass on!!!” i just do not want my lessons to be wasted and ground up to float away in the passing time. so i will continue to write for this invisible audience, that maybe one day i can influence. and at the very least, i will live a very full and happy person with my memories at my side. 


Imageps: and my baking skillz? i got those from my mama :)



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