please excuse my absence

25 Mar

*i wrote this last week before i found out my blog was mistakenly suspended, so its a little out of date!*

i haven’t written in a couple of months since I last spoke of returning to the united states of america. forgive me, but I have been trekking all over the east coast. i’ve flown up to nyc to spend the weekend with my baby brother, i’ve spend time with Christopher in nashville, i’ve visited by grandma in richmond, my best friend in savannah (twice!), and my parents in tampa. i’ve been filling my still moments with reading, cooking, and meditation. i have a list of great things to look forward to, and i have found a way to enjoy my job and my moments behind a desk. i’ve started running more and of course have loved becoming intertwined with my crossfit family again. one of my closest friends had a baby and i have loved meeting her and marveling in her beauty. i’ve spent a lot of time focusing on little wonderful things and the ideas inside my mind.

i have refocused, been offered incredible career opportunities, spent time connecting with my roots (which is proving more difficult than I thought with all of the moving in my life), and have spent time readjusting my world view.

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in conjunction with all of that, i have been watching cosmos. the first episode puts all of creation and the universe as we know it on a scaled down timeline from the big bang (findings were discovered this week which offers direct evidence in support of the big bang theory: http://news.discovery.com/space/astronomy/big-bangs-smoking-gun-discovered-140317.htm ) to right now. they scaled down over 13 billion years to a single 12-month calendar. over the total expanse of time (scaled to 1 year), all recorded human history is  only the very last second of the very last hour of the hypothetical year. how small does that make you feel? and in between reading articles about how we cannot sustain life on earth endlessly and the malaysian aircraft being lost, i have finally found a way to switch my life feeling from that of fear to bravery. instead of being afraid every day of the zombie apocalypse or of a mass riot or of a meteor demolishing our planet, i have resolved to just be thankful for another day to live and be happy and share time with the ones i love. with the big bang theory comes the question of my purpose in the world. there is so much uncertainty of why I am here on Earth. but for me it isn’t a question of religion or of science, it is an easy answer no matter what you believe in. i am here to love and be loved. to make other’s lives a little more happy if I can help it. to me it doesn’t matter if there truly is an afterlife or not because i will aspire to live in this manner regardless.

this morning i walked outside and was genuinely happy to see that the world was just how i left it the night before: imperfect and flawed, but still full of so much beauty and love. sometimes you have to search a little to find it, but it’s always there and i am happy to be part of it.

xoxo,
annie

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One Response to “please excuse my absence”

  1. The Cale Family March 25, 2014 at 8:13 am #

    Hello Sasa,

    What a pleasant surprise to wake up to your wonderful blog, and inspirational words.  Now I am ready for the day.

    Love you tons and tons!

    Dazzy

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