apologies and four good things

18 Nov

i would like to begin this post by clearing something up about my previous post:

it’s taken me years to share those stories because they are personal and situations i struggled with. thankfully, i am finally in a happy and loving and confident place in my life where i can finally do what i’ve wanted to do all along: share my stories so that young women and men who are in equally sour relationships can take what i have learned and get out of that relationship! no part of me wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings or slander anyone (thus i used no names), but it turns out that i did inadvertently. i am sorry if i hurt your feelings, but i am not sorry for my post.

i nearly deleted my post – but i am personally proud of the person i have grown into in the past four years. so proud. so you know what, i don’t need to be sorry. i am proud to be who i am and sharing the things i am now. the post will stay!

the subject of apologies made me think of that incredible pantene campaign the other day:



why do we spend so much time apologizing every day? when i first saw this video i never realized how much we all apologize for things that don’t even make sense. why do i apologize when someone when they run into me? why do i apologize when i am trying to get someone’s attention? i am worthy of my own thoughts and space and opinions – just as much as any other person. so let’s all stop needlessly apologizing (unless of course you actually need to apologize lol)

AND NOW TO COMBAT the sad vibes from last post, four things that i have learned lead to a wonderful, happy, respectful relationship (as seen through my years with my handsome fiance):

1. say yes to trust

it took me a while to learn to trust wholeheartedly. maybe because of my past relationships, but christopher was patient and kind and we worked through my issues together. and before i knew it, i was friends with all of the people i wasn’t able to meet due to our long distance relationship, and i felt shame for ever being jealous of these people and not trusting christopher with them. he has a huge heart and is a “yes” man. that is who he is! and i learned that more than all that, he wants to say yes to me the most.

2. say yes to communication

now that christopher and i are in a short distance relationship (finally!) we no longer have to fit all of our love and happiness and events into one weekend every month or so. we have all of the days! but, with my structure desiring brain, i wanted to find a way to make sure we continued to grow in our relationship. to make this happen, christopher and i established “sharing sunday” where we take a walk or unplug from our day to just sit and talk about anything and everything – our hopes, dreams, and desires. it’s without a doubt my favorite part of the week.

3. say yes to respect

there is nothing more important in my mind than the mutual respect we share. we don’t belittle each other or be demeaning. i love him, and he loves me. i’m a feminist that preaches the inequalities of the world to him, and he listens with respect and doesn’t let the door slam in my face in the name of my “independence.” i’ll do his laundry when i have time, and he’ll wash my dishes when he visits my apartment. we love having an egalitarian relationship, and i love respecting him as my man for life, and then turning around and attending grappling lessons the following morning.

4. say yes to mutual support

christopher is in medical school and i am in the military. our lives are vastly different, but when he starts to tell me all about his day (full of medical terminology and procedures and acronyms) i turn off the tv, close the magazine i’m reading, and focus my full attention on him and his conversation. i try to learn and understand so i can show my interest and love. i praise him and his achievements, the same way he praises my day to day accomplishments. we brag about each other to our co workers and friends. i think, next to our moms, we are each other’s biggest fans.



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